First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
