I puked a lego.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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