Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
