Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
