my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
