I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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