I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
