I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
