oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
