U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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