He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
