I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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