She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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