It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
