i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
