why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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