Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
