do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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