I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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