do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
