If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
