didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
