And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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