Screwed.edu
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
