just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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