i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
