I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
