Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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