hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
