She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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