Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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