the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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