I can text with my tongue
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
