I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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