i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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