right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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