i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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