Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
