eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
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