my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
