So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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