I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
