Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
