he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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