What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
