do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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