im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
