My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
