dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
