He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
