This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
