dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
