we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
