if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
