I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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